What to Do if My Kid Is Smoking Weed

"No one is immune to the disease of addiction," warns Katherine Ketcham, the coauthor of thirteen books, including Teens Nether the Influence: The Truth About Kids, Alcohol, and Other Drugs – How to Recognize the Problem and What to Do About It and the bestselling classic Under the Influence: A Guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcoholism.

For the last 8 years, she has worked with addicted youth and families at the Juvenile Justice Centre in Walla Walla, Washington. She is also the mother of three children.

"I have extreme empathy for any parent who is dealing with this in their family." Katherine understands the difficulties families go through when dealing with addiction firsthand.

"Chances are, if you think that your kid has been smoking pot, he or she probably has."—Katherine Ketcham

"Although I've written nine books on addiction, I didn't know my own son was smoking marijuana until I constitute the piping wrapped upward in his gym wearing apparel. I suspected information technology, but I didn't take proof. And I wanted to believe he was not involved with alcohol or other drugs. I knew it, only ignored it considering I couldn't imagine he'd practise that."

After going through an inpatient handling plan, her son is currently in recovery. During a wide-ranging interview, Katherine spoke to us most teen marijuana employ and drug habit. She told united states of america how parents can read the signs and become some help for their kids—and themselves.

Q. What's going on with kids and pot correct now? How has the scene changed in the last few decades? Is marijuana more than potent now, and if and then, how is that affecting young people who smoke it?

This is why marijuana is and so dangerous: the enquiry holds that of the adolescents who enter treatment these days, the bulk list marijuana (weed, pot, dope, etc.) every bit their drug of selection.

Marijuana is a much more subtle drug than, say, alcohol. It gets them into the culture of the drug globe, which is a perilous step because information technology can lead downward the path to drug addiction.

One of the dangers of marijuana is that it'due south much stronger than it was a generation ago. Back then, pot, every bit nosotros used to phone call it, contained four percentage THC. Now it'south about twelve percent—which is a significant increase.

Nosotros too know from the research that it'south a physiologically addicting drug. Once a child gets hooked on marijuana and combines it with other drugs, the chances of getting addicted, peculiarly if they start using at an early age, are very high.

And the age that kids first offset smoking it is going down. In the eight years since I've worked at the Juvenile Justice Center, the historic period of the starting time loftier was 13 and 14. At present I'd say it's 11 and 12. And I see kids who are starting in the quaternary or fifth grade.

The perception that it's not unsafe is widespread. Fifty-fifty most kids will hold that marijuana is a so-chosen "gateway drug" considering every bit their tolerance increases, they move on to other drugs. And regardless of its legality, information technology often exposes kids to harder drugs and to drug dealers.

It's rare for young people to use marijuana by itself. Most kids, in my experience, combine marijuana and alcohol—"the regulars," as they call them. And combining drugs tin can exponentially increase the run a risk of addiction.

Q. Why is marijuana and so popular with kids?

Marijuana is easily available, relatively cheap, and information technology'due south becoming legal in more and more than places. These factors make it an easy drug to obtain and adds to its popularity.

Just as important, though, is that kids say that it relaxes them. They claim it's constructive for stress and gets rid of their feet.

The feet factor is huge. Consider that, by conservative estimates, half of young people with addictions (alcohol, marijuana or other drugs) besides have a mental wellness disorder. The enquiry is clear on the intimate connection between chemical dependency and mental health problems. Of course, it's often very difficult to tell which comes first: the drug apply or the anxiety and depression. In the end, neither can be ignored.

A lot of kids who I work with at the Juvenile Justice Center tell me that they "wake and bake," and employ marijuana daily. I have a son who is in recovery, and in his case, marijuana was too his drug of option. I'g not sure that the reasons for smoking marijuana accept changed all that much, but the motivation or want to use seems to be intensifying. Kids are telling me that their lives are out of control. They experience extremely stressed out and anxious, and I think their problems are very, very real.

When I grew up, I didn't worry about kids walking into school with guns. And today's movies, video games, and music—I believe they all intensify their stress levels. I recollect growing up today, unless you're in some kind of protected environment, you're going to see bullying at school, pressure to employ drugs, and, in many cases, a lack of parental oversight because both parents are working. Indeed, it'due south during this time after school earlier the parents are abode and the kids are unsupervised that so much of the trouble begins.

We also can't discount the pressure we're putting on our children to succeed in the course of academic performance and athletics. Kids today experience enormous stress, and they crave, as we all do, peace and serenity. Drugs may promise peace, at least the first few times a person uses, but in the long run, they destroy whatever hope of peace and serenity.

Q. If you're a parent and yous smoked marijuana as a immature person, do you lot have a leg to stand up on when you talk to your kids virtually it? And should y'all lie most it if they ask you?

You lot have two legs! Marijuana was one-half as stiff twenty years ago, and we know a lot more virtually its sick furnishings now. Personally, I would counsel honesty. Drugs are all about lying and dishonesty, after all, and if we're going to get through to kids, honesty is vital.

Tell the truth, but tell how things have changed. Give them the facts. Marijuana is stronger than information technology used to exist and we now take research that tells u.s. most the frightening things information technology does to your personality and your functioning in school, sports, and every area of your life. All the neurological wiring is laid down in adolescence for judgment, reason decision-making impulses, empathy, compassion, flexibility, and all those more mature encephalon functions that help people grow into responsible adults.

You throw drugs into a developing brain and y'all stop emotional development cold, which is an important reason why it takes kids so long to recover from addiction. Think virtually it, about kids don't have their emotional skills built up and they have not developed the ability to build strong relationships and to make reasonable and rational decisions.

I'd besides tell parents, first, set up aside your rationalizations. Don't argue that considering alcohol and marijuana are legal that they are "amend" than "difficult drugs." Don't make statements similar, "At least he'southward only smoking marijuana." Learn everything yous can about alcohol, drugs, and drug addiction.

Q. What are some signs that might help you identify whether your child is smoking marijuana?

I recall where there's smoke, there'south fire. Chances are, if you recall that your child has been smoking pot, he or she probably has.

These are the big signs: kids' grades slip, they change their whole group of friends, they stop playing sports or going to youth group, their personalities change, and they go more negative and less approachable. Don't ignore these changes, because they are like signs on a very dangerous path.

If you're a parent and run across these problems in your kid, I would be proactive and talk to your child, express your concerns, and tell them that yous're keeping an eye out and that yous're not going to ignore the situation. Kids do not respect their parents when they ignore the signs staring correct at them. Fifty-fifty as they seek independence, they need and want you to deed every bit their guardians and guides.

Marijuana destroys motivation, it screws up retentivity, and it gradually destroys self-esteem. The kids I work with say that information technology makes them experience "lazy" or "dumb." Their grades drop, their ambitions disappear, and their friends change.

At that place are emotional changes besides – acrimony and irritability increase and they often become more paranoid. Depression and suicidal thoughts can also exist a by-product of smoking marijuana. Remember that while adolescence is ever challenging for kids (and parents), information technology'due south not normal for your child's personality to change in dramatically negative ways. The more a child uses, the more you will come across negative emotions and moodiness build upwards.

You may meet a gentle, smart, at-home child turn into an angry person who doesn't in any way, shape, or form resemble your girl or son. This was the example with my own child. You will run into increasingly dramatic personality changes.

One of the keys is to look at what's happening to your child's relationships. People focus on bittersweet eyes, but I focus on how drugs affect kids' values. I focus on their love of family, their self-respect, and the respect they get from others. These are the of import issues that people don't generally talk about.

When I tell the kids at the Juvenile Justice Middle that pot affects their liver or heart, that information technology will change their grades, and they agree but don't care one bit. Merely if I ask, "Has marijuana affected your relationships with people?" they look at me and hang their heads and say, "Aye."

Then look honestly at your relationship with your child. Every bit parents, of course, we get confused past the normal ups and downs of adolescence. Just if you accept a 12- to 14-year-quondam going through some unusual or serious emotional changes and relationship changes, be on your toes. Enquire yourself honestly:

• Is this normal boyhood or has my child's personality totally switched?
• What'due south happened to my child's relationships?

It's also important to be honest with yourself about your ain rationalizations, fears, and denials. Are you doing any of the following:

• Do you try too hard to talk yourself out of your fears?
• How often practise you frequently making excuses for your child?
• Are you protecting your child from the natural consequences of their actions?

The consequences piece is essential—it'south how we learn. Take a deep breath and allow your children to experience the consequences of their actions and decisions.

Related content: How to Give Kids Consequences That Work

Q. What should a parent'south office be when they suspect their child is using drugs?

When you suspect your kid might be using drugs, the faster you can spring in and be authoritative, decisive, and potent, the better. You accept to be like steel with this disease. When they are using booze or other drugs on a regular basis, kids tin be incredibly manipulative and they will lie to your face. The fashion they can shift blame around then it's your fault is unbelievable. They are masters of deception and manipulation.

The truth is that they have to lie to protect their ability to continue to employ. Lying, deceit, cheating, and dishonesty are function and parcel of this disease—but not because the addicted person is a liar or a cheat past nature—because the addicted encephalon needs drugs in order to function "commonly." Lying is one mode to escape detection. Always remember: for an fond person, the toxicant is the antidote to the withdrawal symptoms. Once addicted, the poison is what keeps away the hurting, at least in the short run.

And retrieve, y'all are the parent. Your start function is to support and protect your child. You lot know they have a drug trouble and it'south destroying their lives and you know if they have money, they might buy drugs.

Cutting the money off. Baby-sit your wallet. If your child has a part-time job and you have adept reason to believe they're using the money to buy drugs, and then you say:

"We're taking that money yous earn from your job and putting it into an account for you and so you tin can save it."

Let your kids suffer the consequences of their decisions.

Q. Should I search my child's room if I suspect he'southward using drugs?

If you think your kid might be taking drugs, I personally don't recollect it's unreasonable to search their room. It's understandable that we're agape to utilize our power to impinge on their freedom and independence. But if they're in trouble with drugs, they're going to lose their freedom and independence and maybe their life.

Cheque their rooms and in places you'd never imagine. Bank check wall sockets, look in their shoes, and take every bit of medication in your medicine cabinet and put information technology someplace under lock and primal. That's everything—pain pills, eye medication, sleeping pills, anti-depressants.

Related content: Teens and Privacy: Should I "Spy" on My Child?

Believe me, kids will walk into their friend'due south houses, take a few pills and see what happens. It doesn't matter what the pills are. Even if your own kid doesn't have a drug problem, their friends might. Therefore, I would suggest that you lot keep all prescription medication in a prophylactic, inaccessible place in your house.

Q. What should you do if your child is fond to drugs?

There is not enough pity out in that location for parents whose kids are fond. You only tin can't guess what they're going through if you don't know information technology.

For those of us who are going through this, yous face your child'due south addiction every day, and you think, "Volition he come back tonight, and volition he be alive tomorrow?" Y'all're half-crazed by fright and anxiety. And y'all're fighting something that is seemingly so much smarter than you are.

Addiction is the wiliest disease that there is. It's intense because it's a disease that literally rewires the encephalon. The addiction says, "Requite me more than drugs, and if you don't, I volition put yous in terrible hurting." Withdrawal is the consequence that keeps addicts coming back for more than.

The addict knows the pain of not using (withdrawal) and in time they go a prisoner of their addiction. Research also shows that if y'all're fond to one drug, especially at a young age, then y'all're brain is wired to become fond to whatever addictive drug.

Keep in mind that you're not your child's friend, you're their parent. You accept to stand firm.

And realize that your child has a disease because it will allow yous to be objective and non take their anger personally. This will help you lot be more than constructive in your efforts to get them some help.

Remember, this person who is screaming, "To hell with you, I detest you, you'll never understand me" is nether the influence of drugs. The enemy is not your child. The enemy is the addiction that has taken over their life, mind, heart, and spirit.

Approach the problem with honey first. I know it'due south really, really difficult, but say:

"I love you so much and I don't know how I'd live without you, and that's why I'm grounding yous or shutting off your bank account or taking your auto away. You may hate me, just I can't watch you destroy yourself. I'll exist office of your recovery, but I will non be part of your addiction. Simply I volition do everything in my power to assistance y'all go better."

Q. How should y'all get about seeking treatment for your child?

One of the heartbreaking things for parents is they ofttimes don't know where to become when their child is using drugs. If yous can, observe a doc who'due south knowledgeable nearly addictions. Work with your doctor to find the best treatment middle you lot can for your child. The get-go step will be to have a chemical dependency assessment done. Your doctor should be able to straight you to a reputable institution that can do this.

By the way, if you lot're going to the doctor with your child, call them ahead of fourth dimension and say:

"If I were to bring in my child who is addicted to alcohol and marijuana, what would your arroyo be?"

Some doctors tell parents they volition not deal with addicted kids. Or they may tell the child that smoking marijuana is non a problem every bit long every bit they keep it under control. Believe it or not, this happened to me when I took our son to the doctor to talk about his marijuana utilize, and information technology has happened to other parents I know.

If it'southward decided that your child should undergo treatment, at that place are both inpatient and outpatient programs your child can attend. Most centers don't specialize in treating adolescents, but there are some that do. A skilful identify to start looking for a programme is through the American Society of Habit Medicine, an arm of the American Medical Association.

When y'all contact them, you need to ask:

"Who do you take on staff who understands adolescent addictions?"

And, if at all possible, attempt to get a mental wellness evaluation. But do this only after your child has been in handling for several weeks. Habit creates its ain mental health issues, then you demand to expect until the drugs are out of the organization before you can get an accurate assessment.

A word of caution: you can't go a kid sober and then release them back into the customs without putting some structure into place. If the handling is only 28 days, which is the standard inpatient stay, make certain that when your child is released that they have back up resources lined up. Support resource may include attention Alcoholics Bearding, Narcotics Bearding, or meeting regularly with a counselor or instance manager.

Talk to teachers, family members, and friends and ask for their back up. Educate them about addiction and recovery. A child who has all those supports in place has a good chance to stay clean and sober. Without that support, about fourscore pct of kids relapse. During recovery, it's of vital importance that your child gets into a good back up grouping, where they talk well-nigh what's happened to them and how they can become the person they desire to be.

At that place are two reasons to seek assistance every bit early on as you tin. The commencement reason is to enable you to discover out what's happening with your child by having a professional footstep in and help you. Find someone who tin can encounter the problems quickly and who understands adolescent addiction and co-occurring mental health issues.

The second reason is to get help for yourself. Because yous can't do this alone—you'll become crazy. Try to find a support grouping in your area. Contact your local hospitals and community center. In my instance, I started a support group in our town to aid our family deal with the fall-out from our son's addiction. Our back up group continues to be a lifeline for u.s.a. as nosotros attain out to others who are going through what we went through.

Q. What can you say to kids before they ever start smoking?

I recall you demand to teach the facts at a actually early on age because they are exposed to drugs at such an early historic period now. I remember it'southward important to talk to them about information technology in elementary schoolhouse where kids are exposed to inhalants – substances such equally blast shine, gasoline, and permanent markers. Very young kids are inhaling or huffing those substances and risking permanent brain impairment. That's a very serious issue.

Yous accept to find a mode to talk to them in an age-appropriate way without terrifying them. I'm a great believer in stories. You can say, "I just heard this story about a male child in trouble with drugs. And it fabricated me and so sad." Say it with dearest and explicate it in terms of another child.

There are ways to educate kids with dearest and compassion for the people who are suffering. Addicted people need our support and compassion. Always. No matter how many times they relapse. They demand united states to reach out to them with dearest and understanding but also with a house grasp of what needs to be done to become them well again.

I would also say that talking about values with your child is paramount. Ask your child:

"What is honesty, what is trust, what does forgiveness mean?"

Have a solid, steady ritual where y'all focus on what it means to be human being, what it means to be good, what information technology means to do bad things. Tell your children:

"We all make mistakes, but do the adjacent right affair."

99 pct of the kids I work with at the Juvenile Justice Center say they have been called bad kids. I tell them:

"Don't let anyone put that label on you lot. Nosotros all do bad things, but exercise the adjacent right thing."

References and Further Reading

ElSohly et al. "Changes in Cannabis Authority over the Concluding Ii Decades (1995-2014) – Analysis of Current Data in the United states of america." US National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health. (2016) https://world wide web.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4987131/.

"Is Marijuana a Gateway Drug?" National Plant on Drug Abuse, National Institutes of Health. (2018) https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/marijuana-gateway-drug.

Ketcham, Katherine. Teens Under the Influence: The Truth About Kids, Alcohol, and Other Drugs- How to Recognize the Problem and What to Do About It.

Ketcham, Katherine. Nether the Influence: A Guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcoholism.

Related Content: Running Away Function I: Why Kids Practise It and How to Cease Them

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